A young person’s ability to learn from us depends on a few variables and should always be based on his or her emotional, developmental and education level. As a registered nurse, food allergy advocate, and parent of a young adult with food allergies, I know that context matters when it comes to talking to kids if you want them to listen and learn.
Discussing allergy management with a young person may bring on, at minimum, some eye rolling. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, it may cause emotional distress. While mild anxiety around food allergy can assist teenagers in focusing on problem-solving, significant levels of anxiety can rob a person of the ability to find solutions at all. If parents recognize anxiety around their teen’s food allergy, they should intervene early and seek professional help.
Tips for Talking
Here are my tips for starting the conversation with your food-allergic teenager – and then keeping an open dialogue:
Pick your moments. When you’re planning to speak to your teen on a sensitive subject, select your time carefully. Choose a moment when stress levels are low, and when you know you can ensure a supportive environment, so that you’ll be more likely to get and keep their attention.
Eliminate barriers to clear communication. If your teenager is distracted – if hungry, for instance – he or she will be much less likely to listen and learn from you. In that situation, have a seat, have a snack together. Pour a couple of glasses of water and make sure your teen is comfortable. These small preparations will ensure what happens next is meaningful for them and you.
Resist the urge to preach. Once the talking starts, at all costs, resist the urge to delve into “lecture mode”. It would be wise to postpone this conversation altogether rather than have it to lead to disagreement or conflict.
Communications should always be respectful and warm. If you express your feelings and your motivation for keeping him safe regularly, your teen won’t feel threatened discussing any topic. Try to speak to a teenager as you would speak to an adult friend – that way, you’ll be less likely to get a childish response. Think about what they need to learn, rather than your need to be heard.
Let your teen be frank. For teenagers, self-expression is often very difficult and they need a safe environment to be able to discuss feelings and problems. This means it’s important that they do not fear discipline for being honest about a mistake or a poor decision. Don’t rob them of an opportunity to learn from mistakes, as these are the lessons that stick with all of us.
Your teen will need to understand and orchestrate this plan while moving towards independence, especially when taking part in activities where parents won’t be present to guide or take over in an emergency situation. In addition, encourage your teen to teach others about the need for assistance should an allergic reaction happen.
When young people feel that they have influence or power, this encourages responsible behavior and builds feelings of confidence. The teenage years are a valuable training ground for the future, so as parents we need to allow young people to communicate and learn from their mistakes. Make this time count and help your loved one begin to take the reins for the management of their medical condition. This can pay great dividends in the moment, as well as later on.
Employ creative ways to educate. Different people have different learning styles, and this is especially true of teens. Find credible sources of information that will be appealing and let the resource teach for you. Interactive e-learning can be helpful, such as FARE’s anaphylaxis course, Allergy Aware or a website designed for teens and young adults such as Why Risk It. FARE also has teen resources, plus there’s Allergic Living‘s own adolescent hub.
Make sure that whatever resource you choose has content specific to your country’s laws and policies, and that its information is medically accurate, up-to-date, and evidence-based. This is especially important when it comes to emergency forms and advice around medications. Encourage independent learning by suggesting your teen research a specific topic and teach you about it! An example might be label reading or investigating allergy policies at university or in the workplace.
Don’t forget the hands-on approach to learning allergy management. Everyone benefits from practice with epinephrine auto-injectors and reviewing the steps of an emergency plan. Since it’s vital that everyone around your loved one knows how to recognize symptoms and how to administer an epinephrine auto-injector, have your teen help by using a training device to teach relatives and peers.
Remember that, as a parent, you are the most important role model in your teen’s life, and planning ahead for safe food options and always having epinephrine available are skills that you will need to impart to your child. Having a safe, portable meal or snack ready for that busy day at school, university or work is imperative so that decisions about safe food are not done when hunger or time constraints are a major influencing factor. Kids won’t develop these strategies without your help, so start early and make it part of your daily routine.
And always remember – No epinephrine? NO FOOD!
Laura Bantock is a registered nurse and longtime food allergy advocate based in British Columbia.