Childcare and Food Allergies: Our Journey from Despair to Hope

By:
in Managing Allergies, Newly Diagnosed, Parenting & School
Published: October 3, 2024
Childcare and Food Allergies: Our Journey from Despair to Hope

The journey of finding the right childcare for our son was no easy feat. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions. But what started with heartbreak ultimately led us to a place better than we ever could have imagined.

Finding the right childcare is possible – even for children who have severe food allergies. I’ll share more about where we are now, but first, let me take you back to where we began in early 2023.

From the start, it was scary to contemplate leaving our son in the care of others. Yet, there were moments where I set aside my fears about his life-threatening allergies and dreamed of our son learning among his peers. I could see him venturing outside to explore nature and getting to be like any other toddler.

So, you can imagine how it felt to get rejected, not once, but twice from childcare providers. The first rejection came from a local Montessori school. The second was by a private home daycare, run by a food allergy parent.

I knew that discrimination might come with food allergies, but I didn’t expect it so soon. The first rejection felt like a blunt blow to the stomach. I was confused, angered, and caught off guard. It’s a strange feeling not to get even the opportunity to discuss your child’s enrollment once you’ve uttered the word “anaphylaxis.”

We had been invited to pay our deposit for a spot in the Montessori school. However, upon asking about their protocols around food allergies, we were told our son could not attend childcare there. We were told their toddler environment would not meet the requirements for our child’s safety. They expressed concern about the restrictions his needs would place on their teachers trying to care for other children.

Feeling Food Allergy Discrimination

We were given this news in an email. We were not offered a time to meet for a conversation about preventative measures to help keep him safe in addition to a standard anaphylaxis plan.

Before our son was even born, we’d imagined him attending this Montessori school. We knew people who had sent their children there and shared happy, positive experiences. The difference was their children didn’t have needs deemed to be too challenging or that would “take away” from the other children.

What this administrator missed was that our son is not a walking food allergy. He is a child deserving of quality care and the opportunity to learn alongside his peers. Our son has severe food allergies to wheat, rye, barley, lentils, peas, cashews, pistachios and hemp. It just requires a little extra attention to keep him safe. We were willing (and wanting) to send his own food.

But the thought of taking preventative measures (like children washing their hands after meals) was deemed “too much.” This was our first experience with the gut-wrenching sadness that comes with food allergy discrimination.

In our second rejection, the home childcare provider was at least kind and showed compassion – she treated us like humans. She was also a food allergy mom, but ultimately didn’t know if her insurance would be suitable to cover our son. Again, our sweet boy felt like a liability, not a child deserving of all the joy that childhood should bring.

Something that I had feared was playing out in real time. Our son, not even 2 years old, was being discriminated against because of a medical condition. Food allergies are commonly considered a disability, and as such, this is a rights issue.

Finding Childcare Hope

In this challenging time, I kept circling back to a quote I learned in mindfulness training – rejection is redirection. To me, that meant the places that turned us away weren’t the right places for our son. They were not willing, prepared, or confident in their ability to care for him in the way he needs and deserves.

So, as two doors slammed, a better door opened.

In April 2023, I opened my email and saw an invitation to a childcare orientation night. It was at a center I never thought we’d get into. This was the first waitlist I’d added our son to, just days after he was born. The waitlist was long, and we hadn’t heard anything in nearly two years. Until now. The best part – it was a five-minute walk from my office.

On orientation night, the leadership team provided presentations to a room filled with hopeful parents. I sat in the room holding back tears. The presentations highlighted their values and approach to teaching. They valued inclusion and developing a sense of belonging in children. We toured the center, it was beautiful.

I left feeling alive again. Like there was hope. But I knew we weren’t there yet. We still needed to meet with the director to figure out what was possible because of our son’s food allergies.

A couple of weeks later, we met with the childcare center’s director and their chef. Walking into the meeting, I had high hopes but low expectations. I tried to armor myself, so the blows wouldn’t hurt so bad. My husband was on the other end of the spectrum – joyous and excited. When we left the meeting, so was I.

When the Childcare Cares

We came to the table and were welcomed. They were excited to talk about how we could work together to keep our son with food allergies safe. They wanted him to feel like he belonged, and to experience all the learning opportunities the center had to offer.

I dared to imagine it again: he would flourish alongside his peers. The childcare center was willing to put in the extra work to ensure he was safe. A lot of work went into creating and implementing processes. We worked alongside the center and provided resources and research.

In the end, we made the choice to send food from home for our son. They were willing to cook for him – and do cook for other kids with allergies. But, with his previous anaphylactic reaction, I felt better sending in his food. I didn’t want to risk anything, certainly not his life.

I’m writing this a year in. Our son safely attended the center’s toddler program three days a week for a year. He has moved up to the preschool program and has changed classes. We are easing him into full-time. I know he’s in good hands now, and we’re going to get there.

Over the past year, I have witnessed beautiful moments. Watching our son develop friendships. Seeing him get to participate in childcare activities designed to nurture his body and mind. Growing our support system to include the staff at the center. Trusting new people to care for our son.

These are things I wasn’t sure would be possible, but I’m grateful they are. He deserves to live just like any other kid. He just needs some extra care. Not everything is going to be right for your family or for your child. But when you find what is … there’s magic in it.

Emily Jones is a communications professional who lives in Southern Ontario, Canada.
Photo caption: Emily Jones with her son. Credit: Victoria Pietsch Photography

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