Sorry, Sorry, Sorry<\/h4>\n\n\n\n![\"Lindiwe](\"https:\/\/www.allergicliving.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/12\/Lindi-in-byron--300x300.jpeg\")
Lindiwe dining at at Byron Burgers in London<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nResearch finds that most of the British public says \u2018sorry\u2019 continuously for expressing empathy, not generally as an apology. Brits also tend to not to draw attention to themselves or be in someone else\u2019s personal space; we often apologize when those circumstances occur. \u201cSorry\u201d can mean \u2013 I need to get past (used instead of “excuse me”). It may be used to get someone\u2019s attention, or even reflexively uttered when somebody bumps into you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
‘Sorry’ can be a strong and powerful word, but when used as a passive constant, I find it loses potency and worse, can make its user feel unworthy and a nuisance. I love our culture and that we do apologize for the weather. But, as I got older, that \u2018sorry\u2019 seeped into my allergy-related interactions, and I began to feel the negative effects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Apologizing like this prevented me from being confident with my allergic condition. I was saying sorry to staff, who told me that I couldn\u2019t eat at their restaurant, and to friends when I brought my own allergy-friendly food. I clearly remember saying ‘sorry’ when I didn\u2019t shake the hand of someone, who had just eaten nuts. While meaning to be polite, I was actually apologizing for my own safety. It was a form of social cohesion and that mindset was ingrained in me, until I moved to the United States. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eureka Moment in the USA<\/h4>\n\n\n\n![\"Lindiwe](\"https:\/\/www.allergicliving.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/12\/Lindi-NYC-300x295.jpeg\")
Lindiwe on a bridge in New York City<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nWhen I first arrived in the U.S. in 2008, I was 16 years old. I noticed that Americans have their own form of politeness. They are polite in the shops and to their neighbors, but they weren\u2019t saying sorry. It was the first time that I, as a customer, was right. It was the first time that dining establishments accommodated me and my food allergies because they wanted my business. I saw that I didn\u2019t need to say sorry \u2013 there was nothing to apologize for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At one restaurant, all of my friends had ordered first. When I ordered my food, I said, \u201cI also have severe food allergies – sorry.\u201d The waitress looked at me, slightly perplexed, and said: \u201cWhy are you apologizing, that\u2019s not something to be sorry about.” What she said in that moment changed a lot for me. I was able to see my conditioning, my unconscious words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saying sorry is<\/em> powerful, and I had been using it so much that it didn\u2019t have much value left. I started to find peace with not apologizing for precautions required for my survival, and I started to feel confident about my presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To Sorry or Not to Sorry\u2026<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
In the last few years, I have thought long and hard about the word ‘sorry’. I have read articles about how women say sorry more times than men, and the way we can hide parts of ourselves for the approval of others. I started to slowly use it only for how it is meant to be used \u2013 \u201cfeeling regret or penitence\u201d or \u201cfeeling sympathy with someone else’s misfortune.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I apologize if I have kept someone waiting, if I hurt someone, either emotionally or physically, or for something I regret doing. No longer will I say sorry for someone bumping into me, getting another\u2019s attention, needing to pass or, most importantly, for my food allergies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Words matter, and what you say to the world is important because it is a reflection on what you say to yourself. There needs to be a distinction, and saying sorry for your medical condition, how you live your life or being in a place (like a restaurant) shouldn\u2019t be in your self-talk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remind yourself that your allergies are nothing to be ashamed or remorseful about. They are a part of you and they do not define you. You have the right to live your life with allergies \u2013 and don\u2019t be sorry when you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are not an annoyance, don\u2019t be sorry for protecting yourself or a loved one. Change sorry to “I appreciate”. Instead of, \u201csorry I can\u2019t eat here,\u201d make it: \u201cI\u2019d appreciate if we could go somewhere else\u201d. \u201cSorry that has nuts\u201d can become \u201cI appreciate you eating something else”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Say sorry when you truly mean it. I\u2019d appreciate it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lindiwe Lewis is a writer and allergy advocate based in London, England. Visit her website <\/em>TheAllergyTable.org<\/em><\/a> to see more of her work. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nRelated Reading:<\/strong>
Food Challenges You, But It Can Also Change You<\/a>
I Swear, You Just Can\u2019t Take Me Anywhere<\/a>
<\/a>It\u2019s High Time Restaurants Got Serious About Food Allergies<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nMain Stock Photo: Getty Images<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In my culture, apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea. How I learned to stop saying ‘sorry’ for my food allergies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18592,"featured_media":965,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_post_subheading":"In Britain, where apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea, I was constantly 'sorry' for my food allergies. A move to the U.S. cured me of this.","_post_shorttitle":"Not Sorry for My Allergies","_post_transparent":false,"_post_datehidden":false,"_post_disableads":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21,292],"tags":[883,878,882,881,756,240,74,363,169,365,364,835,757,760,76,880,836,879],"ppma_author":[1251],"class_list":["post-952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-allergies","category-managing-allergies","tag-americans","tag-apologizing","tag-apologizing-food-allergy","tag-british","tag-dinner","tag-everyday-allergen-free","tag-food-allergy","tag-food-allergy-dining","tag-food-allergy-management","tag-food-allergy-restaurant-industry","tag-food-allergy-restaurants","tag-lindiwe-lewis","tag-restaurant","tag-restaurant-allergies","tag-restaurant-reaction","tag-sorry","tag-the-allergy-table","tag-uk"],"yoast_head":"\n
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Research finds that most of the British public says \u2018sorry\u2019 continuously for expressing empathy, not generally as an apology. Brits also tend to not to draw attention to themselves or be in someone else\u2019s personal space; we often apologize when those circumstances occur. \u201cSorry\u201d can mean \u2013 I need to get past (used instead of “excuse me”). It may be used to get someone\u2019s attention, or even reflexively uttered when somebody bumps into you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
‘Sorry’ can be a strong and powerful word, but when used as a passive constant, I find it loses potency and worse, can make its user feel unworthy and a nuisance. I love our culture and that we do apologize for the weather. But, as I got older, that \u2018sorry\u2019 seeped into my allergy-related interactions, and I began to feel the negative effects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Apologizing like this prevented me from being confident with my allergic condition. I was saying sorry to staff, who told me that I couldn\u2019t eat at their restaurant, and to friends when I brought my own allergy-friendly food. I clearly remember saying ‘sorry’ when I didn\u2019t shake the hand of someone, who had just eaten nuts. While meaning to be polite, I was actually apologizing for my own safety. It was a form of social cohesion and that mindset was ingrained in me, until I moved to the United States. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eureka Moment in the USA<\/h4>\n\n\n\nLindiwe on a bridge in New York City<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nWhen I first arrived in the U.S. in 2008, I was 16 years old. I noticed that Americans have their own form of politeness. They are polite in the shops and to their neighbors, but they weren\u2019t saying sorry. It was the first time that I, as a customer, was right. It was the first time that dining establishments accommodated me and my food allergies because they wanted my business. I saw that I didn\u2019t need to say sorry \u2013 there was nothing to apologize for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At one restaurant, all of my friends had ordered first. When I ordered my food, I said, \u201cI also have severe food allergies – sorry.\u201d The waitress looked at me, slightly perplexed, and said: \u201cWhy are you apologizing, that\u2019s not something to be sorry about.” What she said in that moment changed a lot for me. I was able to see my conditioning, my unconscious words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saying sorry is<\/em> powerful, and I had been using it so much that it didn\u2019t have much value left. I started to find peace with not apologizing for precautions required for my survival, and I started to feel confident about my presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To Sorry or Not to Sorry\u2026<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
In the last few years, I have thought long and hard about the word ‘sorry’. I have read articles about how women say sorry more times than men, and the way we can hide parts of ourselves for the approval of others. I started to slowly use it only for how it is meant to be used \u2013 \u201cfeeling regret or penitence\u201d or \u201cfeeling sympathy with someone else’s misfortune.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I apologize if I have kept someone waiting, if I hurt someone, either emotionally or physically, or for something I regret doing. No longer will I say sorry for someone bumping into me, getting another\u2019s attention, needing to pass or, most importantly, for my food allergies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Words matter, and what you say to the world is important because it is a reflection on what you say to yourself. There needs to be a distinction, and saying sorry for your medical condition, how you live your life or being in a place (like a restaurant) shouldn\u2019t be in your self-talk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remind yourself that your allergies are nothing to be ashamed or remorseful about. They are a part of you and they do not define you. You have the right to live your life with allergies \u2013 and don\u2019t be sorry when you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are not an annoyance, don\u2019t be sorry for protecting yourself or a loved one. Change sorry to “I appreciate”. Instead of, \u201csorry I can\u2019t eat here,\u201d make it: \u201cI\u2019d appreciate if we could go somewhere else\u201d. \u201cSorry that has nuts\u201d can become \u201cI appreciate you eating something else”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Say sorry when you truly mean it. I\u2019d appreciate it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lindiwe Lewis is a writer and allergy advocate based in London, England. Visit her website <\/em>TheAllergyTable.org<\/em><\/a> to see more of her work. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nRelated Reading:<\/strong>
Food Challenges You, But It Can Also Change You<\/a>
I Swear, You Just Can\u2019t Take Me Anywhere<\/a>
<\/a>It\u2019s High Time Restaurants Got Serious About Food Allergies<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nMain Stock Photo: Getty Images<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In my culture, apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea. How I learned to stop saying ‘sorry’ for my food allergies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18592,"featured_media":965,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_post_subheading":"In Britain, where apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea, I was constantly 'sorry' for my food allergies. A move to the U.S. cured me of this.","_post_shorttitle":"Not Sorry for My Allergies","_post_transparent":false,"_post_datehidden":false,"_post_disableads":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21,292],"tags":[883,878,882,881,756,240,74,363,169,365,364,835,757,760,76,880,836,879],"ppma_author":[1251],"class_list":["post-952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-allergies","category-managing-allergies","tag-americans","tag-apologizing","tag-apologizing-food-allergy","tag-british","tag-dinner","tag-everyday-allergen-free","tag-food-allergy","tag-food-allergy-dining","tag-food-allergy-management","tag-food-allergy-restaurant-industry","tag-food-allergy-restaurants","tag-lindiwe-lewis","tag-restaurant","tag-restaurant-allergies","tag-restaurant-reaction","tag-sorry","tag-the-allergy-table","tag-uk"],"yoast_head":"\n
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When I first arrived in the U.S. in 2008, I was 16 years old. I noticed that Americans have their own form of politeness. They are polite in the shops and to their neighbors, but they weren\u2019t saying sorry. It was the first time that I, as a customer, was right. It was the first time that dining establishments accommodated me and my food allergies because they wanted my business. I saw that I didn\u2019t need to say sorry \u2013 there was nothing to apologize for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At one restaurant, all of my friends had ordered first. When I ordered my food, I said, \u201cI also have severe food allergies – sorry.\u201d The waitress looked at me, slightly perplexed, and said: \u201cWhy are you apologizing, that\u2019s not something to be sorry about.” What she said in that moment changed a lot for me. I was able to see my conditioning, my unconscious words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saying sorry is<\/em> powerful, and I had been using it so much that it didn\u2019t have much value left. I started to find peace with not apologizing for precautions required for my survival, and I started to feel confident about my presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the last few years, I have thought long and hard about the word ‘sorry’. I have read articles about how women say sorry more times than men, and the way we can hide parts of ourselves for the approval of others. I started to slowly use it only for how it is meant to be used \u2013 \u201cfeeling regret or penitence\u201d or \u201cfeeling sympathy with someone else’s misfortune.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n I apologize if I have kept someone waiting, if I hurt someone, either emotionally or physically, or for something I regret doing. No longer will I say sorry for someone bumping into me, getting another\u2019s attention, needing to pass or, most importantly, for my food allergies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Words matter, and what you say to the world is important because it is a reflection on what you say to yourself. There needs to be a distinction, and saying sorry for your medical condition, how you live your life or being in a place (like a restaurant) shouldn\u2019t be in your self-talk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Remind yourself that your allergies are nothing to be ashamed or remorseful about. They are a part of you and they do not define you. You have the right to live your life with allergies \u2013 and don\u2019t be sorry when you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are not an annoyance, don\u2019t be sorry for protecting yourself or a loved one. Change sorry to “I appreciate”. Instead of, \u201csorry I can\u2019t eat here,\u201d make it: \u201cI\u2019d appreciate if we could go somewhere else\u201d. \u201cSorry that has nuts\u201d can become \u201cI appreciate you eating something else”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Say sorry when you truly mean it. I\u2019d appreciate it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Lindiwe Lewis is a writer and allergy advocate based in London, England. Visit her website <\/em>TheAllergyTable.org<\/em><\/a> to see more of her work. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Related Reading:<\/strong> Main Stock Photo: Getty Images<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In my culture, apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea. How I learned to stop saying ‘sorry’ for my food allergies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18592,"featured_media":965,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_post_subheading":"In Britain, where apologizing is as much a part of life as having a cup of tea, I was constantly 'sorry' for my food allergies. A move to the U.S. cured me of this.","_post_shorttitle":"Not Sorry for My Allergies","_post_transparent":false,"_post_datehidden":false,"_post_disableads":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21,292],"tags":[883,878,882,881,756,240,74,363,169,365,364,835,757,760,76,880,836,879],"ppma_author":[1251],"class_list":["post-952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-allergies","category-managing-allergies","tag-americans","tag-apologizing","tag-apologizing-food-allergy","tag-british","tag-dinner","tag-everyday-allergen-free","tag-food-allergy","tag-food-allergy-dining","tag-food-allergy-management","tag-food-allergy-restaurant-industry","tag-food-allergy-restaurants","tag-lindiwe-lewis","tag-restaurant","tag-restaurant-allergies","tag-restaurant-reaction","tag-sorry","tag-the-allergy-table","tag-uk"],"yoast_head":"\n To Sorry or Not to Sorry\u2026<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Food Challenges You, But It Can Also Change You<\/a>
I Swear, You Just Can\u2019t Take Me Anywhere<\/a>
<\/a>It\u2019s High Time Restaurants Got Serious About Food Allergies<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n