Talking Allergies

after you had written that letter and everything? I don't know that I'd count on them to "get it"---hopefully they will after the throwing the margarine in the garbage episode. My grandparents are kind of like that about not getting cross-contamination issue although I think my mom and sister made progress with them over Christmas (I stayed home--my excuse was I was busy with schoolwork (they are a good 10 hours drive away) but it was really the allergies. It's odd because otherwise we have a very good relationship.

Thanks justonemom, I needed to hear that others have in-law problems and not just me. Along with my daughters recent "nightly itching fits while she sleeps" and my sleep deprivation, I am extremely pissed that my MIL feels the need to complicate my life and make things hard on our family right now. The party is tomorrow, my mom (and dad if he is in town) are coming and our best friends, a family with 2 kids with milk/egg/peanut/nut allergic kids of similar age (and their new baby). Also, I talked to SIL and my daughters 3 cousins are coming as well.

I wish she would just go away. This whole "she is soooo offended" thing she has going right now is so annoying.

hi saskmommyof2,

You said you wish she would just go away. She can. You should stop calling her. If she calls you, (which she probably will b/c it sounds like she's an attention-seeker), you can be civil. You can even be friendly. But if she wants to see the kids, she needs to follow the rules. The 'business' side of things. I like justonemom's suggestion about the letter. dh and I recently decided we are going to do the same before any more visits. We can have a friendly, even fun and happy visit. But if there is any sign of something that makes us uncomfortable, we leave. That's it.

You said it was comforting to know there are other people with inlaw problems. I too have those problems. Won't get into details tonight, maybe another time. But, I was under the impression that if I could just talk to them, send them a weblink, suggest a book, give them a call and talk it over, I could make them understand. But it's bigger than that. This is about her disrespecting your parenting, disrespecting your kids' medical situation and disrespecing everyone's feelings. Honestly, what kind of person runs out of the house without saying goodbye to her grandkids (from your previous post). She just couldn't bear to keep it together for 3 more minutes? Puh-leese. She obviously has issues that run deeper, it's just that the allergies have brought it to the surface. I would suggest you take your kids' allergies out of her reach. She'll have to find another way to vent her issues.

YOU are in control of your kids lives. YOUR family, YOUR kids, YOUR rules. If she can follow the rules, great, come on over grandma we'll have a great time. But if she decides she can't follow the rules, that's her decision. That's one thing you can't control. So stop trying to. Bellieve me, I have been through such heartache trying to make inlaws understand, and trying to take ownership of their ignorance. But you can't. You can't change the colour of a horse. You're not going to change her ways. Only she can do that.

In the meantime, I'm sure there are people in your life who are supportive and helpful and who deserve your time more than she does.

Have a great party!!!! Your daughter must be so excited!!

My MIL came to the party, washed, refrained from kissing and was pleasant. She even got down on the floor and played with the kids and the new toys. SIL and cousins came too. The party went really well. I felt like I was in the "twilight zone". My husband even discussed our decision to homeschool with MIL and she was supportive and understanding of our desire to keep our kids safe, included and with self esteem in tact. It probably didn't hurt that previously SIL was telling us how her son (age 4 ) has been getting beat up everyday at preschool and does not want to go to school anymore either, but they are not in the position to have one parent at home permanently. It was a good day...a wierd day...but a good day.

What a relief for you. I have been following the story and am very happy that all went well - especially for your daughter!
Kate

Wow! I wonder what got through to her. I also wonder if she can keep it up.
I'm so glad for your daughter (and you and yuor husband) that she was able to have a happy day!

So glad to hear the party went well. Great to hear you are feeling good about it!

I am glad your party went well. I think this whole situation has shown your MIL that you are serious and that she will have to rethink how she does things in order to maintain a relationship with you. I hope she continues to respect you and your family, you certainly deserve it. She may not know it yet, but she has a daughter in law she should be so proud of. You are a great Mom and a great wife and especially a great daugher-in-law, cos you do such an outstanding job of keeping her loved ones safe.